President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit a United Methodist Church in Oregon as part of his campaign. Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the pastor, and said to her, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of Bush's position on the war and stem cell research and other issues. We'd gladly make a contribution to your church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say the President is a saint."
The pastor thinks it over for a few moments and finally says, "The Church is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."
Bush shows up and, as the service progresses, the pastor begins her homily:
"George W. Bush is petty, a self-absorbed hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself in a jet plane landing on a carrier posing before a banner stating 'Mission Accomplished.' He invaded a country for oil and money, and is using it to lie to the American people. He is the worst example of a United Methodist I've ever personally known... But compared to Dick Cheney and the rest of his cabinet, George Bush is a saint."